I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Holy shit dude........stairs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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