i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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