You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
