if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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