before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
