Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
