you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
