you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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