K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize