She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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