I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize