I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
