I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
