Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
