I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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