i already hear my dad disowning me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize