well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
