Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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