yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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