Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
