I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
