We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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