But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
