video games are the ultimate cock blocker
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
