She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize