i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
