spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
