Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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