I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
