please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
