I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
