you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
