That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
