i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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