I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
