it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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