girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
