I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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