Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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