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if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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