Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
