you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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