I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
