u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
