I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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