So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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