I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
