I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
