hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
