Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
