for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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