You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
