There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
