Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize