I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize