Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
