He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
