my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
