I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize