I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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