This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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