i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
