Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
