Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
