I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
