I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
