I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just high enough for therapy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
