I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
