Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
