Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
be right there i have to get my cape
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
